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Bvlgari Aqva Pour Homme

February 25, 2010

Day 11 of the Heapnose perfume diary. Today I’m wearing Bvlgari Aqva Pour Homme.

In response to the sharp increase in male Heapnose readers (Huw, Clack, Neil) and a recent criticism of Heapnose in a national publication*

“…We give you women the right to vote, more pay, bigger ovens and you reward us by reviewing your own toilet water. Its a disgrace!”

(*In a private email)

your intrepid blogger has taken it upon herself to subject a male scent to the stringent Heapnose perfume test. The traditional Heapnose 3 stage test (patented) was replaced with one all-purpose criterion. Can I get Jonesy to fancy me? Well allright, Jonesy or any other women who happen to be around that day.

I doused myself liberally in aftershave, but, having been warned on more than one occasion by more than one employer that the office “isn’t really the place for comedy lesbianism” I set off instead to the studio rehearsals with the specific intention of identifying what women find hot.

“Do you want my sex?” was my opening gambit to Jonesy as I wafted around her in a vaguely masculine way.

“No. Piss off.”

Later qualified with

“You smell like satsumas”

In fact a number of people identified citrus fruits in the top notes, citing everything from the humble tangerine to the fairly exotic papya. Truth be told however, I wasn’t exactly fending women off with a stick. The overwhelming responses were bewilderment (makeup), disinterest (hair) and fear (Jonesy).

Surprisingly the male crew members were a lot more effusive in their critique – and had some solid suggestions for potential blog improvements.

“Naked women” ventured crew member 1

It’s a perfume blog”

“Naked women holding perfume bottles” supplied crew member 2. “With beer.”

A quick tally  revealed Davidoff Cool Water  to be the preferred fragrance, but only because of habit, apathy and “cos [my] sister fancies that fella off Lost”. A salient point – how is  the discerning gent expected to make an informed fragrance selection when the advertising is so shamelessly directed at women? Seemingly open to new suggestions however, the sound department was duly doused in Bvlgari and sent off into Cardiff City Centre with strict instructions to “Text if you pull” .

At time of going to press, no texts had been received.

At time of going to press, I remembered that the sound department didn’t have my number.

It was an interesting test…though one which is yet to yield any tangible results. At this stage I’d go so far as to say, gentlemen that I don’t think Bvlgari is the one for you. It’s appreciably less well known than a lot of other guy scents – but there’s a reason a for that. Stick with me. I’ll find you something better. I’ve got some Aqua di Parma to try next week. And a smattering of others thanks to the helpful (but puzzled) lady at House of Fraser. Until then – stick with Marc Jacobs. He’ll see you through the last days of winter.

x Heapnose x

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Steve Castle permalink
    February 25, 2010 9:58 pm

    I used to wear Cool Water but long before the Lost guy.

    Now I wear Prada darling. The following things about it I can tell you…

    1) I can’t say Prada (darling) without adding ‘Darling’….

    2) if it were to go through the Heapnose test most people would hopefully come back with Lavender.

  2. Heapnose permalink*
    February 25, 2010 10:21 pm

    GOOD CHOICE MR C! I gave this to my mate and I think he liked it (Daf – did you like it?). At least he probably liked it more than the hug I gave him this year.
    From a good family too (the Prada fragrance I mean – but also Daf) – there’s a sort of unifying scent in the Pradas that I like – you can always identify a Prada.
    Hyfryd iawn xxx

  3. Steve Castle permalink
    February 26, 2010 7:06 am

    Yay! I am Heapnose Approved! It may be a first!

  4. February 26, 2010 9:21 am

    I used to wear Davidoff Cool Water in college. Women found me ultra attractive. Or did I drink it and it was all a dream?

  5. Zoe permalink
    February 26, 2010 10:35 am

    In all honesty, if you could actually find such a picture (“Naked women holding perfume bottles – With beer.”) I reckon it would be a fair shout to include it on your blog.

    Google images is likely to come up trumps. Saying that, the other day when I was searching for a picture of ‘sweets’ to put on a document I was producing, aforementioned search engine offered a picture of an elderly lady with a severe determatological affliction on her face. So it’s a bit hit and miss.

    Onwards and upwards.

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