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Coco Chanel

February 9, 2010

9th February 2010

Day 3 of the Heapnose perfume diary. Today I’m wearing Coco Chanel.

But before we get to that, some administrative notes. First and foremost a huge thank you for the recent surge in Heapnose visitors. Whether you visited because you like it, because you value my opinion and respect my nose… or because you still believe that you’ll get free cheesecake if you see it through to the end. Whatever the reason, yesterday Heapnose had so many visitors that they had to make the statistics graph (well my statistics graph) BIGGER in order to accommodate the inflated readership. Yes indeed. 146 Visitors. Only 854 readers away from being able to sell advertising space. To Britney Spears. Heapnose will only ever endorse Britney Spears’s Fantasy. And that’s a promise.

I’ll refrain from thanking you all individually. Actually I won’t. Expect phone calls tonight everyone.

Enough sentiment. On a more serious note – to the person who found Heapnose by googling “Lesbian Dogs” – Dude, I’m not sure that this is the blog for you.  And no cheesecake for you either. That’s just weird.

Back to the task at hand -and the perfume du jour. The one, the only Coco Chanel.  Ordinarily I wouldn’t waste this on the office, but a.) it’s unseasonably cold outside so ordinary fragrance hierarchy rules don’t apply b.) I thought it was time to hit the second floor with a fully fledged classic c.) It’s not actually mine – it belongs to Pat Heap, so I don’t mind so much.

Jonesy told me in the lift that it smells like “old woman…covering up piss.” Ian the Nice Northerner asked when it might calm down. (Honestly, no chance, I brought the bottle with me for a lunchtime top-up) before observing that it smelled “slightly like talcum powder…but not in a bad way”.

Granted, it is a little more mature than my usual choices, and I am asking the office to take a bit of a leap with this one – nonetheless I knew I’d get something sound from Sion the amiable translator. As it turned out, today Sion was thinking in places, not colours.

St David’s Hotel…Cardiff”

Madonna stayed there, the cast of Doctor Who live there, and you can’t buy a drink for less than a tenner. Classy it is. Wise is he.

Coco did have a propensity for spouting a load of old wank “In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different…” but fair play the old dame could knock out a decent fragrance. Despite the mixed reviews received from the office, Coco Chanel is still absolutely unique, and absolutely timeless. Quite simply the quintessential classic. She even added a touch of class to my acid wash jeans, pony sweatshirt and plastic pearls combo – a laudable feat in and of itself.

It’s a phenomenal fragrance. I won’t belittle this with talk of effortless elegance (she typifies it) or of longevity (she lasts longer than the longest night) or even whether or not I can say her name without sounding like a knobhead (her name falls from my lips like gentle summer rain). Coco Chanel. Simply Perfect.

x Heapnose x

Ps Don’t buy Coco Mademoiselle. It’s crap.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Tomes permalink
    February 9, 2010 1:20 pm

    Don’t forget your loyal Washington, DC reading contingent!

  2. Heapnose permalink*
    February 9, 2010 1:55 pm

    Yee Hah that was unforgivable and I am so so sorry. Expect a blog dedicated to you in the next few days. I am really ashamed of myself…xxxx

  3. Griff permalink
    July 22, 2010 10:34 pm

    I seem to recall the very day you strutted this on the second floor and thinking to myself how you smelled like my aunt Valerie’s cloakroom in winter… not quite an old lady smell covering up the smell of piss as Jonesy so eloquently put it, but nevertheless very close to being on the money with her wise descriptive words as ever!!! Loving the blog Heapnose, after persistent guilt trips – I’ve finally given in and had a read!

    PS. I still love Coco Mademoiselle!

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