Skip to content


July 14, 2009

Faithful Noses

Lloyd LesbiansMy dear friends the Lloyd-Lesbians (so called because of their dairy-free fridge and penchant for hemp clothing) have very kindly contributed their own review to the Heapnose back-catalogue. Adhering to the notoriously stringent Heapnose guidelines (1. Don’t write anything shit, and 2. Run it through a spell check) which keep the standard of this publication so peculiarly high, the Lloyd Lesbians contributed the following review:


Heapnose invited me to review a fragrance for the site,

“A classic – perhaps Chanel No. 5? Or if you’re looking for a lez scent try Guerlain’s Aqua Allegoria range”

she said.

Daunted by the prospect, inspiration didn’t come my way at Terminal 5’s duty-free counters. It was not until we landed in Wyoming that I found the perfect whiff.

STAMPEDE: As untamed as a stampede, this bold fragrance was created for the man who lives by his own rules and dreams about a life without boundaries.
Stampede2ozCologne 300 (who incidentally also make the Stampede After Shave Balm Splash, the Travel Atomiser complete with Suede Pouch, the Miniature Splash, the Hand Cream and the Face Conditioner – oh yes the Face Conditioner) don’t stop there:

STAMPEDE is a new addition to the Annie Oakley Men’s Collection, which embodies a simple, rugged lifestyle where men work under a blazing sun and rest beside a glowing campfire. The clean scents are made for men who work as hard as they play. Untamed and compellingly masculine, these all-American scents are hand-blended from the finest essential oils.

Dear old Annie O describes the fragrance thus:

Woody herbals, cactus rose and the essence of Spanish moss combine for the warm and masculine scent of Stampede.

Guess what? They don’t. I could describe for you the bison hooved, sweaty Cowboy chapped aura it created in the store, but my other half had a far better grasp on the essence of the scent. After all, it was he who squirted it directly onto his forearm in an excitable ‘and look it’s only $25’ frenzy. So I shall let him describe its heady bouquet…StampedeDesktopNexus

I have to confess that I am not a frequent user of after-shaves (after all, they really sting when you put them on, and I know they are suppose, but I mean …. they really sting, really!) and I am also the chap who still thinks Faberge’s AQUATONIC is a pretty cool scent (sorry Heap, and what is worse it is blue and has that ‘just showered’ smell of which I know you are fond) and have half a bottle left even after they stopped selling it 5 years ago.   So in fairness this is not likely to be the most balanced review ever.  Needless to say I won’t be rushing to acquire a supply of STAMPEDE, even if Mrs Lloyd would let me, which evidently she wouldn’t.   In as much as I can imagine what a cowboy smells like, I’m guessing this probably is a close approximation.  There is the scent of leather, and, well, hints of furniture polish to be truthful.   It brought to mind an edition of Bonanza, with the endless plains, long hot days, and a lot of braying cattle to be honest – which let’s face it, is exactly the smell you would expect 30 seconds before you would demand your fella get in the shower and apply hot water, soap, and presumably a lot of heavy duty scrubbing.   Not one for my Christmas list the please, after all I have got half a bottle of AQUATONIC left.

No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: